Broken Wings, Bloody Things
by herwhiteknight
Summary: Set after the season finale, Cosima is back at the university to work with the DYAD Institute, but not for long. When her sickness gets worse, she decides that, despite her slowly mending relationship with Delphine, she needs a place to go where she can be close to family. But exactly how close remains to be seen as Sarah takes care of Cosima in her final days. Punky Monkey UA.
1. Chapter 1

SarahXCosima, post-finale. **UA** (Universe Alterations)

Alterations: Kira has not been taken. She is staying in Mrs. S's custody in a safe location while Sarah lives and works out of Felix's flat (the "clone hub") so that she can find Helena.

A/N: This is my first attempt multichapter fic, so please be lenient! I have a general idea of where I want it to go, but I'm not sure if it will take a long time to get there or not. So enjoy the ride, I guess because I'll be riding it with you! Also, this piece, for the most part, is self-edited, so any mistakes are completely mine.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Orphan Black or any of the characters or any material that is associated with the show. The idea is my creative property and that's it!

* * *

Cosima woke with a start, images of falling angels and bloody sunsets fading from her mind's eye as she regained consciousness. She had been dreaming about home, about times that were easier than the ones she faced now. Times when she didn't know that she was one of a few and when she didn't understand the meaning of orphan. When she barely understood what it meant to be alone.

When she didn't wake almost every night with blood on her pillow.

Rising with a sigh, she rubbed the bloody tinge from her lips as she stripped the pillowcase from her pillow and crossed her dorm room over to her pile of laundry which had already had a collection of blood-stained bed coverings. It happened so often now that it had become a sick ritual. A sick, ritualistic testament to the life she was living now. Proof of the reality that she was dying.

She needed a place where she could deal with this shit. The university dorm was all well and good while she was constantly researching things that might help them understand themselves better but it did nothing to help ease her continual sense of loneliness. Despite the distractions that research brought, science really wasn't a good companion for those who were slowly dying. If anything, it only kept the stark red reality in the forefront of her mind at all times, mocking her always as she fought to find a cure, a reversal of the symptoms.

She needed a place where she could feel safe. Safe from whoever was trying to wipe them all out, from the science that she was sure she understood once. But most of all, she reflected as she tossed the sheets into the washing machine and turned back to the suitcase that lay open and empty at the foot of her bed, she needed a place where she knew she was safe from the fear of dying alone.

The pink phone was in her hand before she even registered that she had crossed the room again. Her thumb roved over the contacts, bouncing back and forth between the only two on the list. Her mind first jumped to Alison, whom she had known longer and probably had a guest bedroom, now that she and Donnie were back on track again. Before she hit dial though, she thumbed down to Sarah. Cosima knew that she wouldn't ask questions like Alison surely would. Despite their occasional disputes, she knew that Sarah kept to herself, just like Cosima did. Decision made, Cosima punched call.

"Sarah?" Cosima said as soon as the call connected, not waiting for the groggy hello on the other end.

"Shit, Cosima, it's like... six in the morning. What the hell?" Sarah answered, having obviously just woken up to answer. But at least she answered.

"I.. um, need a place to stay," Cosima, normally cool and collected under pressure, faltered for a mere moment. Without waiting for Sarah to register her request, she forged on, trying to regain her confidence by sounding in control, "Is there room at the flat? You know, now that Alison is back at the house with Donnie."

There was silence for a moment on the other end, save for the rustling of fabric as Sarah presumably climbed out of bed. Then Sarah spoke again, asking questions instead of giving answers. "What's wrong with the university? You've got a dorm don't you?"

_So much for keeping to herself, _Cosima thought with an inward eye roll as she bit her lip and kicked clothing along the floor, nudging it towards her suitcase. "I... yes," Cosima hesitated yet again, trying to keep the fear out of her voice so that Sarah wouldn't catch onto the fact that there was something wrong. _Pull yourself together Cosima! _"I need a place to stay so I can get away from Delphine for a little while," she improvised, using the somewhat flimsy excuse to cover up what she was really feeling; that she was scared of dying alone and away from family. Even if that family happened to be genetically engineered. But after bouncing around in the foster system during her early years, she'd take any definition of family at that point.

"Alright," Sarah agreed slowly, sounding much more awake and aware, lending her tone into slight suspicion. But she let Cosima have her privacy and the eye roll turned into an inaudible sigh of relief.

"My flight leaves in three hours," she said as she wedged her phone against her shoulder and began folding things with precise chaos, tossing shirts and pants arbitrarily into her suitcase, defeating any and all purpose of folding. "You'll meet me there?"

"Yeah.. sure," Sarah's voice came across the line, sounding slightly irritated. "What about Alison? You know she needs to be in the loop."

A flicker of her own irritation stopped her momentarily in the process of packing her basic toiletries. "Does she have to come with, though?"

"You know she'll go crazy if she doesn't, Cos," Sarah told her impatiently.

"Okay, fine. Whatever. Tell Alison, I don't care," Cosima snapped, her fingers whitening as she gripped her phone harder. "And since she'll want to know every little detail, tell her my flight number too." She relayed her flight information, even her seat number for both connections.

"Fine," Sarah replied, her voice just as edgy.

Cosima hung up and threw her phone at her bed. "Bitch," she snapped, glaring at the pink thing for a moment longer before turning back to her closet. As she yanked down shirts and jackets in an abrupt manner, she knew that, in the back of her mind, she was grateful for Sarah. She was providing her a place to stay without questioning exactly why she needed a place. Despite knowing that she would have to tell Sarah and Alison eventually, the thought eased her frustration somewhat as she began carelessly folding another pile of shirts, coughing into her sleeve as she did so. When she went back to her closet, to her drawers this time, she brought her mouth away from her arm, leaving her sleeve stained a deep scarlet.

* * *

Her flight was fairly uneventful, aside from one major coughing fit that sent her scrambling to the washroom to cough up blood. She had spent so long in that tiny space, clutching the cold metal of the sink that a flight attendant had to come and knock on the door, asking if she was alright. She had collected herself, tried her best to scrub the blood droplets from the sink and anywhere else it may have splattered before shakily unlocking the door. As she stepped out, a little unsteady, she waved off the attendant and blamed it on the turbulence.

When she had landed a little while later, she dialed up Alison this time, knowing that she would've thrown a fit at Sarah when Sarah had to tell Alison what was going on, instead of just calling Alison herself. Bracing herself for the outrage, she hit call and put the phone to her ear.

"Cosima!" Alison sniped into the phone after it had barely had a chance to ring even once. "What is this about you flying down so you can stay in Felix's flat? And why did I have to hear about it from Sarah and not you?!"

Cosima rode out the rant, one of Alison's calmer and smaller ones, with a sigh. "I'll explain more when you guys come get me. Can you just tell Sarah that I've landed and my luggage will be at carousel 3 so meet me there in an hour or so?"

"So what, I'm your messenger to Sarah and Sarah's your messenger to me?" Alison scoffed, clearly annoyed, "Why don't you just talk to both of us directly?!"

"Fine," Cosima bit out and hung up on her, dialing Sarah in the next breath.

"What did I tell you?" Sarah began to sigh into the phone when Cosima cut her off with a sharp snap and an abrupt movement of her hand that Sarah couldn't see anyways.

"No, Sarah. Just don't," she said, then carried on through Sarah's resigned sigh, "I just landed. Carousel 3 in an hour, alright?"

"Right, right," Sarah replied and they both hung up. Cosima stuffed her phone back into her jacket and picked up her carry-on from where she had placed it beside her on the floor while she had stopped to make the two calls. She ran a hand through her dreadlocks and sighed as she headed for the luggage drop off area of the airport. _Maybe coming here wasn't such a great idea after all. _Back in Minnesota, she had Delphine. _Wasn't that enough?_

As she waited by carousel 3, watching the different suitcases go by, she forcibly reminded herself of Delphine's betrayal. Despite the fact that they had worked together to decode her genetic sequence and she told her about being sick, Cosima was still burdened by a distrust for her, worried that she might still be, simply, an experiment to her. Delphine's own personal laboratory subject.

"God," she muttered to herself after she had tried to shake that particular line of thinking for the fourth time, "You're starting to sound like Alison. Loosen up Cos!"

"Did someone say my name?"

"There she is." Two voices drifted towards her and she turned, spotting Alison and Felix walking towards her. The pair wasn't exactly hard to miss, what with Alison dressed brightly in her ever-present pink and Felix in his usual flamboyant styles.

"Hey," she greeted both of them, glancing at Felix for a bit longer than necessary; she still wasn't exactly sure of him and where they stood. But he was Sarah's brother, so that had to count for something. "My luggage hasn't shown up yet. But thanks for getting here on time."

"Yes, well, with Sarah driving-" Alison began, but Cosima cut her off as an impulsive spike of irrational fear cut through her.

"Where is she anyways?" she demanded, looking at Felix as though he had murdered her or something.

"Relax," he told her, regarding her with the same, if not greater, amount of distrust that she gave him. "She's waiting in the car because she drove." He continued with a roll of his eyes as he saw Cosima open her mouth to interject further. "You honestly think that we'd risk the three of you being in the same place? God, even two of you is stretching it."

"Right," Cosima nodded abruptly and turned away from him with a small glare in his direction as she spotted her red luggage finally sliding down the metal chute. "Well, let's go then," she told them, grabbing it from the carousel and pulling it along behind her.

"Where are you planning on staying while you're here, Cosima?" Alison asked her as they walked beside each other, Felix on Alison's other side.

"Um... the flat," Cosima said after a moment of hesitation, glancing past Alison at Felix. He didn't react much other than to just let out a tiny sigh, so she assumed that Sarah had told him about her intentions of giving Cosima a place to stay.

"Is there room there?" Alison asked as they walked into the parking garage. "Isn't Paul staying-?"

"I should bloody hope not," a voice came from within the underground parking lot, magnified by its echo. They all looked to see Sarah walking towards them, hands stuffed into her pockets and her hood up.

"Why would you say that Sarah?" Alison questioned, looking at her in confusion. "I thought things were fine between you and Paul."

"Yeah, well, they're not," Sarah said by way of explanation,glancing at Cosima. "Hey. Flight went alright?"

Cosima thought about her major coughing fit and felt her lungs seize up at the recollection. "Yeah, it was alright," she replied, clearing her throat when she didn't make any sound the first time.

"So what's going on between you and Paul, Sarah?" Alison asked as Sarah popped the trunk for Cosima so she could throw her luggage in the back. As she did so, her chest tightened and she bent over, coughing violently for a moment or two before she regained her breath and was able to load her suitcase into the back. Everyone else except for Felix was already in the car, so neither Sarah nor Alison noticed. Felix just gave her a look as he slid into the passenger seat beside Sarah. He didn't have to ask; he knew that she wasn't fine. He was the one who saw her coughing up blood on the day that Delphine came to visit, after all.

Her little coughing fit caused her to miss the majority of Sarah's answer, but as she sat in the back beside Alison and shut the door, she heard her finish with "- with Rachel at the Dyad Institute. He works for them."

"If he's not staying at the flat, then where-?" Alison began to ask as Sarah pulled out onto the road, signaling for a turn and cutting her off in the same moment.

"He's back at the apartment. He's the least of our worries," she explained as patiently as she could to her hyper-paranoid clone.

_Yeah, _Cosima thought as the rest of the ride was silent, _We've got other things to be paranoid about. _She turned her face to the window and hid a cough in her coat sleeve. _More life-threatening things._

* * *

After they dropped Alison off at her house, not directly in front of it, but at the curb of course, Sarah, Felix and Cosima headed back to the flat. Sarah parked and they all got out, both Cosima and Felix walking towards the trunk. Cosima looked at him in confusion as he told Sarah to go on up, that they'd be right behind her. She did, though not without her own confusion, and disappeared up the stairs.

"What do you want?" Cosima asked, her voice laced with a hint of aggression. But if Felix noticed, he waved her off with his response, one that was filled with concern.

"You're sick," he stated. When she did nothing but to nod slightly, he carried on, "Are you going to tell them? Sarah? They need to know, you can't just put it off!"

"I'm going to tell them, don't worry," Cosima shrugged him off and went to the trunk to get her suitcase.

"You've got to remember that Sarah isn't by herself like you. She's got a daughter to worry about," he explained, reaching for her wrist to stop her from going for her luggage.

"I know," she replied softly, "Believe me, leaving Kira motherless is the last thing I want. I would rather die than leave her motherless." She looked at Felix with sad eyes then, the both of them recognizing the deeper truth that lurked beneath her words. But only Cosima knew just how fast that that truth would catch up with her in the end.

* * *

Halfway up the stairs to his flat, the strain of pulling her luggage up behind her triggered another coughing fit, causing her to bend double and clutch onto the railing for support, leaving Felix to take ahold her her suitcase as she fought for breath.

When she regained her composure, she reached out for the handle of her bag, but Felix simply held onto it. "I've got it," he told her, his tone soft towards her for once.

"Thanks... Felix," she smiled gently at him and made her way slowly up the rest of the steps while he followed along behind her. She reached the landing, crossed over to the threshold of the flat and was about to knock when he caught her arm.

She turned to him and noted his eyes, how they were filled with concern once again. But when he spoke, quietly this time, as not to let Sarah know that they had come up just yet, his concern was not for his sister. "You sure you're alright?"

Cosima regarded him for a moment, then just decided to tell him the truth. "I've been getting worse," she explained, her breaking voice exposing her true fear, "That's why I'm here. Because I don't want to die away from family."

He took the information in silently, the only indication that he was upset by it was the tightening of his lips. Then he spoke, his voice comforting and serious all at once. "You're in good hands. Sarah will do anything for her family."

"That's what I was counting on," she nodded solemnly and pushed open the door, which Sarah had left open because she knew that they had been right behind her.

"What took so long?" Sarah asked as they stepped into the room. With Felix pulling her suitcase, Cosima shut the door and put the screwdriver into place to keep it shut.

"I.. had to talk to Felix about some things," she said as Felix shot her a meaningful look, to which she nodded in response.

Sarah looked back and forth between the two of them as Cosima moved her suitcase to the foot of the bed to deal with later and Felix went to change. "Yeah? About what?" she asked, looking to Cosima as Felix disappeared into the bathroom with a swish of beads.

Cosima was silent, pretending to be busy with unpacking. "Where can I put my stuff?" she asked, ignoring Sarah's annoyed look.

"Just.. in the drawer, wherever," she said distractedly, crossing the room to stand closer to her. "Cosima, what's-?"

"Nothing! Nothing, I'm fine," Cosima insisted stubbornly as she opened a drawer, closed it quickly when she saw what was inside, and opened another one just below it.

Felix came out a minute later and nailed Cosima with a look as Sarah sighed and folded her arms impatiently. "I'm going out," he said meaningfully, "So I'll leave you two alone." Cosima met his gaze determinedly, which caused Felix to let out a sigh of his own before just saying outright, "You better tell her."

"What? Tell me what?" Sarah jumped in as Felix walked across the room, pulled the door open again and disappeared out into the hallway.

Cosima shut the door and put the screwdriver back in place before crossing back over to the bed where Sarah was still standing, watching Cosima with wary eyes. She sat down, her back against the headboard and her feet tucked under her thighs over top of the covers, and looked up at Sarah, indicating that she sit next to her.

She did, glancing at the way Cosima sat, how her posture was all wrong and so very tense. "Tell me... what, Cosima?" she asked again, her voice softer, more gentle as she looked at her dreadlocked sister.

She considered saying it outright, like she had to Delphine, but she knew that Sarah needed more than that, since she could be at risk too. They all could. "The German's respiratory disease," she stated while Sarah looked over at her more intently, interest piqued now. "I've been running some tests to see if it's, well, a genetic defect in all of us."

At her pause, Sarah leaned in, her body twisting at the waist as she put both hands on the bed between them. "Yeah? And?" Sarah's eyes were focused entirely on Cosima's face, tracing the details as if searching for answers in the features that she had seen in the mirror her entire life. But none of the clone, genetically identical weirdness crossed her mind now. All she cared about was Cosima's answer. And her reasoning behind keeping it from the rest them until now.

Cosima was momentarily caught off-guard by Sarah's intensity, a stupid scientific hypothesis rolling through her brain. _Would having sex with a clone be equivalent to masturbation? _"Idiot," she muttered under her breath at herself.

"Cosima!" Sarah's indignant voice shook her from her scientific inquiry.

"Right, I-" she began, shaking her head, forcing the thought out of her brain. _Focus on the stuff that matters Cos. _She didn't get a chance to go further in her explanation than that, because she felt a cough wrack through her body, violent and uncontrollable. She stood, stumbling slightly, as she struggled to make it over to the bathroom sink.

"Cosima!" Sarah shouted again, right behind her as she gripped the edge of the sink with pale hands. Blood spattered over the ceramic as Sarah rushed in behind her, pulling her dreadlocks away from the spray. After the tremors left her body, Cosima straightened slowly, her lips painted a deeper scarlet. She caught Sarah's horrified eyes in the mirror and tried a pathetic smile, only to reveal pink teeth from blood-tainted saliva. She quickly clamped her mouth shut again, turning to face her now.

"How long?!" she accused, stepping close to Cosima as she fruitlessly tried to scrub the bloody evidence away from her lips. "How long has this been going on?!"

"I...," Cosima began, trying to frantically backpedal. Gave up after a matter of moments. Sarah had already seen. "A few days," she admitted quietly, turning back around in defeat and twisting the taps to wash the red away before it stained the ceramic.

Sarah opened her mouth to berate Cosima again, but saw in the slump of her shoulders something that Cosima wouldn't admit to out loud; that her science friend was scared out of her mind. Her anger drained away then as she wrapped her arms around Cosima's waist from behind in a decidedly intimate posture as Cosima leaned over the sink again. As tremors wracked her slim frame once more, the intimacy of the hold went unnoticed until she looked up from the sink into the mirror and noted their closeness.

"Sarah, I.." she began, looking at their reflections. Then she turned suddenly in Sarah's arms, causing her to step back a few feet. Because while they were, for all intensive purposes, sisters, Sarah clearly wasn't one for physical closeness except for those that she was truly familiar with.

"You're alright," Sarah told her quietly, just as she had on the night that Cosima told Sarah about Delphine's betrayal. The statement held just as much uncertainty now as it had then. And yet it still managed to assure Cosima all the same.

"Thanks," she murmured, leaning back against the sink wearily, tasting the fading copper on her tongue yet again. _Something else she'd have to get used to. _

"So this really isn't about Delphine, is it?" Sarah asked. It was an obvious question. Rhetorical really, as the answer had already been displayed quite clearly a few minutes ago when Cosima had her first coughing fit. But something flickered in Sarah's expression when the name crossed her lips, like she wanted to make absolute certain that Delphine wasn't, in any way, involved.

"No, Sarah," Cosima attempted a weak laugh but it ended up turning into a rough hack of breath that forced her to turn back to the sink to spit out more blood. "Sorry," she muttered.

"For what?" Sarah asked, her presence suddenly very alive and _near. _Cosima didn't know what to make of the lightheadedness she experienced right then, chalking it up to her coughing. To her blood loss. To her weak breath. _To anything other than what she thought she had with Delphine. Because it couldn't be caused by the thing that she thought she had with Delphine._

_No. Has. Still has. What she _still has_ with Delphine. _

_Sarah was family. Genetically engineered, but still family. Raised to be a completely different person, but she was her sister. To what extent though? How far did nurture go? Did it go far enough to trump nature when you've never known the other existed until you were completely self-sustaining and established as your own person?_

"Cos," Sarah's voice broke through her thoughts again. "Cosima!" her fingers snapped in front of her face, a hand tentatively shaking her shoulder. "You alright?"

"Apart from the..." she started to joke until she saw the look on Sarah's face and her attempt at making light of the situation fell flat. Taking a deep breath, trying to steady herself for an admission of defeat, one she never wanted to make, she looked at some point beyond Sarah's shoulder and whispered, "No. I'm not." And she tried then, very hard, not to break down.

It was in that moment, as Sarah watched Cosima fight tears, that she realized that she wasn't as concerned for herself as she thought she would be. She knew that she should've been concerned for her own well-being, as the disease could be something that was genetically part of all the clones. She should've been thinking about Kira and Felix in that moment, should have been worrying that this disease could leave her daughter motherless. Her brother without a sister.

But all she could think about was Cosima. And how terrified she must be. That she needed someone to be there for her and to protect her. And she had chosen Sarah. So this time, when she went to hug Cosima, there was no hesitation like there was on that night before. She simply reached out to her and pulled her in, even as Cosima made a slight noise of surprise at the contact.

Cosima pressed into Sarah, struggling to keep the tears at bay. She sought comfort in Sarah's familiar form, in the softness of the fabric and skin she could feel through the tank that she wore. "I'm not, Sarah," she whispered again, tightening her arms around Sarah, burying her face into Sarah's shoulder now, her lips brushing against skin, her nose tangled amongst stray strands of hair.

"You will be," Sarah tried to tell her firmly, but to both their own ears, the promise sounded flat. "We don't even know if it's life threatening," she continued on, the assurances still hollow, the lie unconvincing. "The German was shot before we could find out."

"Yeah," Cosima nodded slowly as she pulled away from Sarah's embrace, the tip of her nose again brushing along skin, her jawline this time, for the briefest of moments before fully stepping back from a hug that neither of them wanted to end. "Yeah, it might not be," she whispered, looking into Sarah's eyes for a long moment, completely overcome with exhaustion and worry.

"You look like you need some rest," Sarah said, matching Cosima's pitch, reaching out again for Comisa's shoulders to steady her as she guided her to the main bed in the middle of the room. The pair made it a few steps before Cosima's grip became more desperate as she clung to Sarah, causing her to turn and look at Cosima in concern and confusion, her lips parting in a question she never got to voice because Cosima leaned forward, way past the point of personal space, and kissed Sarah right on the lips.

Cosima wasn't even sure where the sudden desire had come from. But it was there, raging in her belly, a feeling she couldn't ignore until acted upon. She tried to remind herself about Delphine, but she was too lost in the feel of Sarah's lips against hers, the way that Sarah pressed her whole body into Cosima's, all the while tangling her hands in her dreads, pulling Cosima closer.

It was Cosima who pulled away first, despite making the first move. She put her hands on Sarah's shoulders, looking at her in confusion, trying to decipher what the hell just happened. _She had only come here to feel close to family! That was it! _

"Cosima... I," Sarah began, suddenly unsure of herself. It was that sudden vulnerability within Sarah that made Cosima step back. She was supposed to be the strong one, the one who defended them, the one who wasn't phased by anything! What was she playing at now, undone but their sudden intimacy?

"Forget it," she snapped, pushing back from Sarah, making her own way over to the bed much more wobbly than she would have had she had Sarah's support. She was also angry because Sarah didn't push her away. _Sarah should have pushed me away! _she growled angrily in her head. _Delphine had pushed me away! So why didn't Sarah?_

"Cos...," Sarah attempted as Cosima fell onto the bed, feeling herself weaken from the physical strain as well as the emotional overload that piled on top of her all at once. Sarah followed her, but didn't do anything other than to sit on the edge of the bed and look over at Cosima's weary face. She didn't bother to try to blame her by saying that she had kissed her first or to explain that there was no reason to be angry because she was the one who had initiated it. "I'm sorry," was all she said.

"Whatever," Cosima replied, quiet in her anger. She coughed a couple times, staining the bedsheets with red, which Sarah barely noticed as she gazed only at Cosima's forlorn form stretched out over top of the covers. She coughed again, harder this time before wheezing in a shaky breath and said as loud and demanding as she could muster, "Just leave me alone, Sarah."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am _so _sorry for the gap between the first chapter and this one! I had massive writer's block and had to change the entire beginning of this chapter. But I've been working with it long enough that I'm satisfied with the results of its beginning now, so here's chapter two! :) Hopefully the gap between this chapter and the next wont be as long next time. As always, reviews are very welcome! Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer in Chapter 1.

* * *

Cosima hardly slept that night. She tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed, her anxiety causing her to get up and blindly make her way over to the bathroom to cough in the middle of the night on several occasions. After tripping over Felix for the fourth time, who had holed up on the floor, he grumbled in annoyance about heading over to Colin's while gathering up a few changes of clothes. When he had gone, Sarah sat up from her place on the couch and looked over at Cosima. "Cosima, if you want I-" she began, her voice clear, as if she hadn't been able to get any sleep either.

"It's fine, Sarah," she told her as she rinsed the sink once more. "I'll be fine. Just go to sleep."

"Alright," she replied, but it was a false promise; there would be no way that she would be able to sleep while Cosima was in the same room as her, especially after she admitted that she was sick. _And especially not after that kiss._ She rolled over on the couch, springs digging into her sides, sighing quietly into the darkness. _Don't think about that. It doesn't matter that she kissed you first, she's with Delphine. So forget it._

"Goodnight, Sarah," Cosima said after a moment of silence, her tone one of someone who was trying to ask forgiveness.

At her voice, Sarah couldn't help but smile, her heart lifting slightly. "See you in the morning, Cos," she replied, rolling over so that she was facing the back of the couch, her forehead pressed against the ratty material. Muffled by the bed, Cosima muttered a dull affirmative, her voice already close to sleep. _At least that's one of us, _Sarah thought as she flipped over onto her back, trying to position herself so that the least amount of metal was sticking into her back through the worn out cushions. After tossing and turning a few more times, she finally let her eyes drift shut, sleep claiming her with welcome arms.

* * *

After what felt like only mere minutes, Sarah was awoken by the sounds of soft snuffling coming from the bed. "Felix," she groaned, "What have I told you about-" The sound grew louder as Sarah came around, realizing that the noise was obviously feminine. She blinked a couple times as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, looking over at the dark shape lying there on the bed. _What..._ "Shit!" she hissed and bolted off of the couch, "Cosima!" she muttered as she pattered over to the bed, mindful of the step that raised the bed slightly from the rest of the room.

"Cosima!" she said again, reaching over to shake her shoulder when she saw the tears falling down her face, her features locked in some kind of panic. Noticing this, she eased down onto the edge of the bed, pushing her dreads away from her agonized expression, murmuring her name softly, "Cosima? Cos, wake up."

Her eyes flew open at Sarah's touch, her gaze darting around in the gloom before finally settling on the woman who sat at the end of the bed. "Sarah?" she murmured, her voice thick with sleep. "What are you...?"

"You were... um, crying in your sleep, Cos," Sarah explained, hesitant to bring it up lest Cosima hadn't been aware of her own tears.

_There it was, _Cosima thought, frowning slightly, _That vulnerability. What is with her? She's usually so strong. _Then she processed Sarah's statement. And remembered her dream. "Oh," she said, stricken.

Sarah reached for her hand, squeezing lightly. "Wanna tell me about it?"

Cosima returned the pressure without much thought, pushing herself up to a sitting position even though her body was still weary. "Not really," she muttered, as Sarah scooted onto the bed with her, mindful to leave some distance between the two of them. Distance Cosima wasn't sure she wanted just then. So instead of speaking immediately, because she knew that she wouldn't actually be able to sleep until she told someone, Cosima decided to lean into Sarah for comfort. Sarah, to her credit, didn't say anything until Cosima was ready to talk, though Cosima heard a slight intake of breath come from the other woman as she let her head fall onto Sarah's shoulder.

"I was dead," Cosima murmured with the faintest of breaths. She tilted her head back to look at Sarah, who had tensed even as she pulled Cosima closer. "I had dreamed that I was dead, watching everyone cry over my body."

"Cos-" Sarah began gently, raising the hand that was wrapped around her waist up to her shoulder and swirled her fingertips over the skin there.

"In the dream... you told me that you loved me," she cut her off, causing Sarah's hand to still.

"Yeah? As.. a sister, Cos," Sarah told her, though her voice caught obviously on the lie.

Cosima shook her head, looking away from Sarah. "Don't," was all she said.

Sarah was silent for a little while, apparently steeling herself to say something. Then, "Cosima, you.. kissed _me_."

"Yeah but you didn't pull away Sarah!"

"Wha?" Sarah questioned, nonplussed, "What does that got to do with anything?"

"You were supposed to!" Cosima yelled, ducking out of Sarah's arms and twisting to face her as they sat on the bed, "Everyone does. Why didn't you?"

"And by everyone you mean Delphine," Sarah stated quietly, her eyes watching Cosima carefully. As she nodded, Sarah continued on, "Cos.. I didn't pull away for one simple reason. I didn't want to."

Cosima's face twitched, then hardened into a frown. "I can't think about this right now, Sarah," she snapped, yanking back the covers and sliding underneath them as best she could with Sarah still sitting on the sheets. "I only came here to-" she began, then cut herself off abruptly, realizing that she hadn't actually told Sarah the real reason for her abrupt departure from Minneapolis.

"To... what, Cosima?" Sarah asked softly, instinctively reaching over and taking Cosima's hand once again. The fact that Cosima didn't pull away brought some measure of comfort to Sarah. But even as she allowed Sarah to rub her thumb soothingly over the back of her hand, Cosima's lips just tightened as she shook her head slightly, her dreads swinging back and forth minutely. "Alright," Sarah reluctantly agreed, nodding and withdrawing her hand before standing up. "You go back to sleep, yeah?"

Cosima watched her walk halfway back to the couch with unreadable eyes. "Sure," she said as Sarah went to go lay back down. But before she did, Cosima called out one more time, "Sarah?"

"Yeah Cos?" she asked, leaning up against the back of the couch as she watched Cosima prop herself up on her elbows before continuing.

"I.. just wanted to say thanks," Cosima said, her voice breaking a bit, revealing her own vulnerability, "For, uh.. being here, you know."

"Yeah... it's nothing, Cos," she replied. Cosima looked as if she wanted to say more, to protest Sarah's dismissal of something that really meant a lot to her, but she just closed her mouth and let herself fall back onto the mattress. Sarah watched as Cosima's weary body dropped back into sleep, her breathing slightly raspy, but even nonetheless.

Sarah flopped back onto the couch, sleep near impossible as she thought about Cosima and what she didn't say about her reasons for needing to get away from Minneapolis. It was just as well that she couldn't drift off because, within minutes, Cosima's steady breathing was interrupted yet again by soft sobs. _I can't just leave her like that, _Sarah thought, sitting up slowly as she debated inwardly. _But there's still Delphine... But, it doesn't have to be romantic, right? I'm just making sure she's okay. _Keeping that in mind, she got up and walked back over to the bed, trying to push away the thought that her intent was ultimately selfish.

She approached the bed cautiously, careful not to make too much noise as she gently pulled the covers back and sat on the bed. Cosima, still asleep and crying, didn't make any move other than to shiver lightly at the sudden exposure of her skin to the air. Sliding in beside her, Sarah quickly covered them both with the blankets before rolling over onto her side so that her front was to Cosima's back. "You're alright," Sarah murmured, not loud enough to wake her, but enough to soothe her tears. "Just sleep," she said, pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder and pulling her closer as Cosima smiled peacefully.

* * *

Cosima woke up the next morning feeling more relaxed than she had ever been in a long time. Instead of being forced into awareness while her body struggled for air, her eyes drifted open lazily as she became slowly more aware of her surroundings. Light was streaming in through a large window above her head and something _warm _was wrapped around her middle. She stretched, still slightly disoriented, causing whatever was wrapped around her to be dislodged with a couple of indistinguishable words.

"CosIdonwanna," a sleepy voice said, sounding right behind her ear.

Cosima jumped, her eyes snapping open fully as her heart raced. "Shit!" she exclaimed as she sat up quickly, noting Sarah sprawled out on the bed with her, her expression turning from sleepy contentment to ashamed guilt. "What the hell Sarah?" she demanded, glaring at the other woman.

"You were crying again, Cos!" Sarah explained, her tone defensive, "I couldn't leave you alone like that!"

At that, Cosima stopped. Despite all else, Sarah had just unknowingly pinpointed the exact reason why Cosima left Minneapolis. "No.. I guess you couldn't," she replied, picking at the blankets absently with delicate fingers while studying her.

"Cosima-"

"Sarah, it's fine," she said, standing up abruptly. "I should... probably go clean up from last night. In case there were any blood spots I missed."

"I'll just... go put some coffee on, yeah? While you go do that?" Sarah asked her hesitantly, as if she needed Cosima's permission to do anything in a space was much more familiar to Sarah than it was to Cosima.

Still frustrated with the difference in Sarah's character, Cosima nodded, her tone sharper than normal, "Sure, whatever." Then she turned towards the bathroom, noting out of the corner of her eye that Sarah hadn't moved and was just standing there, staring at her with a blank expression. _What the hell is going on with her? _she wondered once again. Pushing the thought from her mind, she turned to the sink to inspect the ceramic for blood, hoping that she hadn't left any to stain.

Even though Cosima should have known to expect everything by now, the sudden coughing fit hit her out of nowhere, like a pair of iron fists squeezing her ribs together. The pain was jarring and she lurched forward, hands frantically scrabbling for something to hold onto with which to steady herself as she felt blood splatter against her throat, lips, teeth and everything else as it painted the sink in front of her like a canvas.

"Cosima!" she vaguely heard Sarah call as she fought the stabbing pain in her chest. "Hey, it's alright," her voice, suddenly very close behind her, soothed as she felt hands on her back, massaging in slow circles just below her shoulder blades. "I'm here."

With the aid of Sarah's gentle touch, the coughing slowed, but the ache remained, a dull throb as opposed to feeling like her ribs had been inversed and were slowly slicing through the delicate tissue of her lungs. "Thanks," she snapped, "But I don't need you Sarah. I'm fine." She wiped the trace remnants of blood from her lips and watched as her words caused Sarah to take a step back, but stand her ground otherwise.

"No," she threw back and Cosima couldn't help but smirk inwardly. _That's the Sarah I'm used to,_ she thought as Sarah continued, "Cosima, you're not fine. Do you even know what's causing this lung thing? Is it something that can affect all of us?"

She swallowed nervously, the faint taste of copper not even triggering a flinch anymore. "I.. it's.. Delphine, the last time I talked to her I mean, she was.. still looking. For answers, I mean."

"So you don't know... anything, do you?" Sarah questioned, taking back the step that she lost as she invaded Cosima's space, her voice dropping suddenly from anger to anxiety, fear darkening her tone. "Cosima... are you d-?" she began, but the word stuck in her throat and she shook her head in terror at even the thought of it.

Cosima felt her heart pound in panic, knowing exactly what Sarah had been unable to say. Denial had gotten her this far and she refused to lose the glittering hope that she had placed in science and in Delphine's research. "Delphine will find-" she began, but Sarah cut her off, her voice cracking in fear.

"But what if she doesn't? What if-?"

Cosima threw herself at Sarah then, only thinking about keeping Sarah from speaking her own doubts aloud as she kissed her frantically. "Don't say it," Cosima pleaded with her as they broke apart with a gasp, "Please, don't say it." Sarah regarded her for a silent moment, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wild. She nodded imperceptibly before drawing her back into her arms, their lips meeting for a much softer, more comforting kiss.

This time, as they kissed, Delphine barely crossed Cosima's mind. That was a problem, she knew, but she just couldn't bring herself to care as she lost herself yet again to the woman that was Sarah, focusing not only on her lips tasting hers, but on the finer details, like the way that Sarah's hips brushed up ever so subtly up against hers, the way that the fingertips of one hand explored the planes of her exposed waist while the other stroked down her jawline, tracing the shape of her face.

It was when she felt Sarah's tongue swiping gently across her lower lip that Cosima finally came to her senses, breaking from the embrace. "I... it's.. Delphine," she said haltingly as shook her head, feeling sick with betrayal. But betrayal towards who, exactly, Cosima couldn't tell at that precise moment.

Sarah nodded once in quiet agreement, "Yeah," she murmured, that one word tugging at Cosima's heartstrings, lending more power to Sarah in the tug of war over her heart.

"I'm sorry," Cosima said. And she truly meant it. Because whatever else happened between them, Cosima still wanted to keep Sarah in her life. Sarah was the one who stuck with her even when she had stubbornly pursued Delphine despite constant warnings and Sarah was the one who held her together when those warnings proved true. And now Sarah was the one who was here, making sure that she was not alone.

"No, I should be sorry," Sarah told her, "You're with Delphine and I know that. I'm a bloody idiot and I _know _that."

"You're not an idiot," Cosima reassured her quickly, reaching out and touching her shoulder, "You're just..."

"Just... what?" Sarah asked, sounding apprehensive.

_In love, _Cosima almost said, her whole being rejecting that thought, causing her to nearly snarl in anger. _She's not in love with me, _she thought, refusing to even think about the possibility of that reality, whether or not it would be better to be with Sarah over Delphine."Nothing," she found herself snapping again, forcibly shaking the words from her head. _I'm with Delphine anyways, so it doesn't matter what her feelings towards me may or may not be._

Sarah noticed the sudden change in the dreadlocked woman and tried not to react defensively. Failed. Even though she _knew _that Cosima was trying to deal with the actuality that she was sick, it was in her nature to respond to threats in an aggressive manner. Sarah didn't _want _to lash out at Cosima, but she had learned a long time ago that silence was an attackers cue to weakness. And Sarah was by no means weak. "I'm just trying to help you," she snarled back, "But you obviously don't want it, so I guess I'd better just forget it, yeah?"

"Sarah, I just-"

"No," she said, just barely keeping herself in check as her voice broke in anger, "Why did you even come here Cosima? Why are you here, really? Are you," she began, looking disgusted at her next words, "Trying to make Delphine jealous?"

"What? Sarah, Delphine knows that I...," she began, her voice halting at the word _love_. She shut her eyes briefly before continuing, "Besides, there's nothing going on between _us _that would make her jealous!" _Nothing she knows about, anyway, _Cosima thought, thinking about the kisses they previously shared.

Sarah's hand went to her lips silently as if she had read Cosima's mind, shock and hurt invading her features. "I get it," she said, her voice so horribly cold and distant and so far gone from the volatile and passionate Sarah that she knew. "So I'm the idiot for thinking you actually cared about me, yeah? I'm wrong and you were lying, is that it?"

"Sarah, no! It's-!" she began, but Sarah just shook her head, hand snapping back to her side before it disappeared into a pocket.

"Save it, Cosima! I don't want to hear it anymore," she spat as she whirled around, exiting the bathroom with an angry swish of beads.

"Where are you going?" Cosima pleaded, sounding pathetically desperate, but at that moment, she couldn't give a damn. Sarah was about to leave her alone, after promising not to do that very thing. Well... she never _did_ promise anything out loud. Cosima had just read between the lines.

As Cosima followed her through the room, Sarah slung her coat over her shoulders and grabbed her keys. "I can't be around here right now," she replied, her voice hard, "And I promised Kira that I would see her today."

Cosima's heart lifted a little at the mention of the little girl. "I haven't met-"

"God, no!" she slammed her hand on the metal of the loft door, the bang reverberating through the empty room, "You'll probably... try to hand her DNA off to Delphine."

"Sarah," Cosima began softly, making sure to keep her distance from the enraged woman, like someone would keep their distance from a lioness who was protecting her cubs, "You know I would never betray you like that and I would _never _tell anyone about Kira. You have to believe me on that."

She was silent for awhile, standing as still as Cosima had ever seen her. With a sudden movement, she reached up for the screwdriver and, as she unlatched the door, she turned back slightly, her gaze just barely visible past the curtain of her hair, "You sure know how to make a lie seem beautiful, Cos," she said quietly, the last trace of her rage swallowed up by the undertow of her sadness.

"Sarah...," Cosima spoke, taking two quick strides towards her, to catch her before she left, but Sarah's eyes, bright with unshed tears, had her halting in her steps.

"I'll be back later," she said, her voice quivering only slightly as she pulled open the loft door and slammed it shut behind her, leaving Cosima to reluctantly latch it once more.

"Way to go, Cosima. You idiot," she closed her eyes as she shook her head, breathing out a weary sigh. As she looked at the rusted metal of the door for a moment longer, the metallic clang of the door slamming shut still hanging in the air, she couldn't help but think that her impulsiveness really would end up having her die alone. She impulsively left Delphine to be with family, thinking that the biological connection to her sisters would be enough. Then her impulsive actions towards Sarah... those kisses...

But Sarah was different and she always had been. Just because she had been there for Cosima in the past didn't automatically set aside their differences. It didn't diminish the fact that they were completely different people who argued way too much. But they always managed to put that aside before. Now, however...

She sighed and finally turned from the door and headed back into the kitchen, where the coffee had long since been brewed. She turned on the warmer plate of the machine and searched the cupboards for a relatively clean mug while she waited for the liquid to heat back up again. After Cosima had gotten her coffee, she sat down on the couch with her laptop open in front of her about to attempt to focus on some research when her phone rang.

Her heart leapt when she thought that maybe it would be Sarah, calling to apologize and say that she changed her mind and that she actually wanted Cosima to meet Kira. _It hasn't been that long since she left, you idiot, _she thought, but still couldn't help hoping as she reached for her pink phone first before she realized it was her other phone. Her stomach flip-flopped with nerves, knowing that only one person had that number and that person had told her to call as soon as she landed to make sure everything was alright. But because of all the emotional stress yesterday, calling Delphine was the _last _thing on Cosima's mind. "Hey," she said, trying to sound excited. Because she was, really. With everything happening between her and Sarah, it was nice to get back to something familiar. And that something was Delphine.

"Cosima, are you alright?" Delphine spoke, sounding slightly frantic, "You didn't call at all yesterday and I-"

"Delphine, relax," Cosima told her, laughing despite herself. _She was way too paranoid sometimes, _Cosima thought, _At least Sarah- No. Forget about her right now. _She sighed as she continued on, "There was a lot going on yesterday and getting things settled with Sarah took longer than I thought. I just.. fell asleep, that's all."

A pause. And then, "Why did you go back Cosima?"

Delphine's question filled Cosima's stomach with ice, dread worming doubts into her mind. _Why did I come back? Why? _"I wanted to be close to family," she replied, trying to force confidence into her voice, to make it sound less brittle and small than it already was. Because that was the truth. Not all of it, of course, but enough that she hoped that Delphine would drop the subject.

"Am I not family too?" she asked softly, her low voice sweeping over Cosima and filling her with guilt and regret at the stupid impulsive decision she made back in Minnesota. _You're more than family, _she wanted to say, but couldn't get the words out of her mouth. Because whatever she was, Delphine was _not _her biological imperative. And as much as she couldn't imagine dying alone, away from Delphine, she also couldn't even fathom what dying apart for her sisters would be like. _Or from Sarah in particular..._

Instead of all this, she just sighed heavily and said, "I just... wasn't thinking." She frowned, pinching the bridge of her nose as she leaned an elbow on her knee. What had she been hoping to accomplish anyways? Sure, she didn't want to die alone. But after leaving the one person who she knew would be there until the end and driving away the other person that she hoped would stay... well, her life felt very isolated at the moment.

"Do they even know?" Delphine asked quietly, her voice breaking through her thoughts, "About... your sickness?"

"Sarah knows," she said quietly, hoping that Delphine wouldn't noticed the break in her voice as she spoke Sarah's name. Because Delphine couldn't know what had happened between them, she just couldn't. Not until Cosima knew exactly what _it _was that was going on between them. "She caught me while I was in the bathroom."

"Cherie...," she said softly, her voice trailing off and leaving the line in a contemplative silence.

"What?"

"Sarah...," she began, and Cosima felt her lungs seize up in panic, irrational thoughts about Delphine putting the pieces together already streaming through her mind. "That's the one with the foster brother, yes?"

_That?! _Cosima thought, her panic overridden by angry disbelief at how easily she labeled Sarah as an 'experiment' by using the word _that. _It was like Sarah wasn't even human to her, as if none of the clones were actually human! Maybe that's what made it so easy for her to up and betray Cosima to Leekie after such an intimate night. _Screw your subject over, _literally, _record her reactions to betrayal and heartbreak and see if she reacts like an actual human being. _"Yes," she replied, stressing her next words, "_Sarah_, the person, has a foster brother. Felix."

"He was the one who told me that this 'Sarah' would... kick my willowy ass, I believe he put it," Delphine said, her voice light that, had Cosima been able to see her, would have been accompanied with a smile. It wasn't lost on Cosima that she completely glossed over the statement about Sarah being human as well.

"I was there when he said it, Delphine. And he said that because he knew that Sarah would do anything to protect her _family,_" she explained, surprised to find herself defending Felix against Delphine. _But then, _she thought, _he was looking out for me yesterday, and he didn't complain when Sarah asked him if I could stay here, at _his _place. _But what surprised her more was the fact that she actually felt anger towards Delphine for a joke that would've once made her laugh, if only for the way that she tried to imitate Felix's accent. "A family that doesn't include you," she finished before she could stop herself, her words sharp and cutting.

Delphine said nothing, the only thing that actually gave Cosima any indication that she had heard was the slight intake of breath on the other end of the line. It reminded Cosima of the last time that they fought like this; when she had said anything to get Delphine away from her. "Wait, no! Shit, Delphine, I-"

"I'm sorry," she said, stealing the words from Cosima's mouth. But she sounded so far from it, the sentiment as blank and empty as the dial tone that now sounded in Cosima's ear. She pulled the phone back from her ear and stared at the screen that now said, _Call disconnected. _

"Shit," she swore again, tossing her phone onto the cushion beside her as she rubbed her temples with her thumbs, leaning her head on her fingers for support. She looked at the data streaming across her laptop screen that was situated in front of her and felt a wave of helpless rage sweep over her. She couldn't seem to keep it together lately with her relationships and she hadn't made any headway with her research and it was driving her insane with frustration. Granted, she didn't have the right tools to make any actual progress while she was here, holed up in Felix's loft, but she had hoped that she would at least be able to make some sense of the numbers and data points that Delphine had sent along with her.

But so far, she hadn't been able to and with her fights with both Sarah and Delphine occupying the majority of her thoughts, she couldn't find the will to focus on much research. Still, she knew she couldn't entirely rely on Delphine and especially not now, not with Delphine probably mad at her. So, with a sigh, she tried to make some sense of the codes that she already had saved on her computer, noting that there was another DNA sequence from Delphine waiting in her inbox. Mousing over to the attachment, she downloaded that as well and set to work, blind to everything else except for the sickly green numbers that haunted her from behind her screen. _The cure is here somewhere, _she thought desperately, _It has to be._

* * *

The next time Cosima looked up at the clock, almost three hours had passed. She blinked and stretched, almost purring in contentment as she arched her back and slowly rose to her feet. It hit her out of the blue then, her vision dotting with tiny lights as her body adjusted to movement after a prolonged period of sitting hunched in front of her computer. That was normal. What wasn't normal was the sudden searing pain in her torso, starting at the base of her ribs and squeezing up her lungs, as if each of her lungs was a sodden sponge, over-saturated with blood.

_No! _she screamed in her mind, lurching forward as she grabbed her jaw to keep it shut, feeling blood coat the inside of her throat and mouth. _Not here! _she barely managed to think as she attempted to make her way over to the bathroom while blood seeped out through her interlocked fingers, her shoulders heaving from the force of her coughs. _No, no no... _She looked ahead of herself and, through wobbling vision, realized just how _far _away the bathroom was, even though it couldn't have been more than a few feet. _It can't end like this, _she panicked, her head swimming, her lungs tearing themselves apart, bits of the tissue landing on her already gore-spattered palms. _Not after I came here to be with family... _

All at once, the war waged within her lungs halted, leaving her dizzy and lightheaded. Through her spotty vision, she vaguely noticed that the carnage from the attack was spewed out in front of her, splattering the couch and the carpet like some kind of murder scene. _Sarah will be so pissed, _was her last thought before her body finally succumbed to the weariness that resulted from the fit, her vision blackening as she hit the floor.

* * *

A strange, coppery scent filled her nose when she first came to. The out-of-place smell gave her enough cause to pry her eyelids open and try to figure out exactly where she was, to assess what had happened. When she finally had enough control over her eyesight, she realized that the smell was coming from the pool of her own blood that she had landed in. With a panicked gasp, she tried to sit up quickly, almost losing consciousness once again as blackness dotted her vision. _Easy Cosima, _she told herself as she hesitantly raised her hand to her face, pulling away and taking in the semi-sticky blood that covered her fingers.

_I could have died, _Cosima thought in dull shock, staring at her hand, _If I had hit my head during my fall or if I had landed the wrong way, I could have drowned in the smallest puddle of my own blood. I... I could have died. And I would have been completely alone. _

Standing slowly, cautious of any sudden movements, Cosima made her way over to the bathroom to grab a towel and assess the damage. After taking a towel and wetting it down with water from the shower, she first turned her attention to her face, half of which was covered with flaking blood. She scrubbed at the offending stain, turning her head and arching her neck to get the proper angles on it to make sure she got everything. Then she rinsed the towel, wringing it out as she watched the red-tinted water flow down the drain before heading back out to the main room to attempt to remove most of the incriminating evidence.

As she cleaned, she couldn't stop thinking about how she could have died there, all alone. _I shouldn't have left Delphine, _she snarled furiously at herself, scrubbing harder at the stain on the floor. _I shouldn't have left Minnesota at all. I can't find a cure in this shit hole, I really can't. _With thoughts of frustration, fear and loneliness keeping her company and fueling her work effort, she managed to clean most of the blood from her coughing attack before too much time had passed and was just rinsing out the towel for the final time when she heard faint footsteps and voices coming from beyond the door.

"Shit!" she hissed under her breath, looking for a place to put the dirty, sopping wet towel. She spotted what looked like a laundry hamper just outside the bathroom and quickly tossed it in there on her way back to her spot on the couch, where she was previously attempting her research. Just in time too, as the voices, now distinctly recognizable as Felix and Sarah, grew louder from behind the metal door.

Pretending to be immersed in research, she waited as Felix and Sarah came through the door, catching the tail end of their conversation. Which was more like an argument. "...taking good care of her, Fee, and she hasn't done anything suspicious, so-"

"Sarah, do you think it's a coincidence that your birth mother showed up now? And then right after she reveals that you and killer clone are _twins, _Helena stabs her to death?!" Felix snapped back, shrugging off his coat and tossing it onto a chair, turning to Sarah and folding his arms, his back to Cosima now.

"That was just Helena being as batshit crazy as she always is," Sarah said dismissively, but her movements were all wrong, the tightness in her jaw revealing the broken little girl beneath. _She met her birth mother? _Cosima thought, her eyes gazing blankly at the screen as she listened in.

"Sarah," Felix began, putting a hand on his foster sister's shoulder, his tone compassionate, "You did what you thought you needed to. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"I should have been able to stop her," she said quietly, shrugging away from Felix's comforting grip, "But it doesn't matter now, I... Cosima," she cut herself off abruptly upon noticing the scientist sitting there, who had long since dropped all pretenses of pretending to work.

Cosima offered a weak smile, unable to work up a genuine one at Sarah's tone. _She's still angry, _Cosima thought sadly as she turned back to her computer and poked a few keys morosely, trying to act like she didn't care what Sarah thought about her or how she acted around her. "Oi, oi, Cosima," Felix greeted her after taking a moment to glance between his foster sister and her dreadlocked clone.

"Hey," she replied, one side of her lips quirking upwards in Felix's direction at the warmth in his tone as he walked towards her. She glanced past him, watching Sarah pour herself a glass of alcohol before sitting down heavily in the chair that was the furthest across the room.

"Are you alright?" he asked her as he sat down on the couch with her, his eyes studying her in concern. "I mean, with the.. you know."

"With the dying?" Cosima replied, laughing darkly at herself, the sound getting choked off with a punctuating series of short, deep coughs. Even though she faced Felix, Cosima was more concerned with Sarah's reaction that she caught out of the corner of her eye and the way that her expression just... fell, crumpling together as she shot the barest of glances over in Cosima's direction. Her expression read pain, but her eyes told a story that Cosima didn't have time to read before she looked away.

"What's that?" Felix asked suddenly, his own hand rising absently to the right side of his neck. "Right there.. well it looks like.. it looks like blood." _Shit, _Cosima thought, rising quickly. "Cosima!" he called after her as she headed for the bathroom to look into the mirror. Once again, she wet down a towel and began rubbing at the offending spot until her skin was so red raw that she could no longer tell if the blood was still there or not. In the background she heard Felix, "...go in there and talk to her. She'll listen to you."

Cosima sighed as she dropped the towel in the sink, watching Sarah's reflection grow closer in the mirror. "Cos?" she asked, tugging the beads aside, but otherwise making no move to approach Cosima any more than that. Cosima noted her expression in the mirror before turning; it was cold and distant, but concern was evident in her tautness of her neck muscles.

"I'm fine Sarah," she told her, gathering up the partially wet towel in her hands as she turned around to face Sarah, vaguely noting the distance between them, unconsciously taking a small step forward to lessen it.

"Okay, good," Sarah answered, her voice flat as she turned and headed back to her previous position on the chair with her alcohol.

_Sarah..., _Cosima thought, wincing at the pain that she caused her. _And all because I can't control my actions. Shit. _"Wait," she called out, pushing past the curtain as she strode out to follow Sarah into the main area of the room. She took a deep breath and approached her carefully, noting the blankness of her expression that was broken only by the small downturn of her lips. Standing in front of her, she bit her own lip nervously before taking a small breath and confessing quietly, "Actually... I'm not alright, Sarah. I'm... I don't... I.. I'm scared."

Sarah, who had been determinedly ignoring her at this point, shot a look over at her, her eyes clouding with resentment and pain. And fear. "I know," Sarah replied, her voice choked up. "Me too, Cos."

"But you're not-" she began but Sarah just shook her head and turned back to her drink for another gulp.

"Don't," she said, clenching the glass so hard that her whole hand shook, the surface of the liquid within rippling.

"Sarah...," Cosima started again, reaching over to steady her hand, afraid that she might lose her grip and drop the cup, but Sarah pulled away to take another drink.

"Don't talk about you dying Cos," she said harshly, finishing the alcohol and pushing the now empty glass onto the table, sending it skidding down the length before stopping precariously on the edge. "Don't you fucking dare mention it!"

"But Sarah...," she ventured again, slightly relieved when she didn't cut her off this time. _I have to tell her. She needs to know. After waking up alone earlier... _"That's... why I'm here." At another look from Sarah, she continued hesitantly, sitting down on the other end of the couch as she did so. "I didn't fly down from Minneapolis for the reason you think. It had nothing to do with Delphine, or making her jealous." _Though... those kisses..._

"Alright," she allowed, tipping her head slightly in Cosima's direction, indicating that she should continue, her voice tinged with what Cosima discerned as a small amount of hope.

"I came here because... because I didn't want to die alone," she admitted quietly, her voice small in the presence of the fear that weighed down on her mind. She took in a shaky breath as she waited for Sarah to say something, feeling her bottom lip start to quiver as she watched the woman across from her study her features.

All at once, Sarah's anger towards Cosima vanished, replaced by the anxiety and concern that had taken a backseat to the rage. She shuffled over to Cosima and didn't hesitate to put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer so that Cosima could lean against her. "Cos... I'm here, alright? Even if we fight, I'm here."

Cosima took another deep breath to control the tremor that had overtaken her voice and tried to tell Sarah that she was sorry. "Look, Sarah... I..."

"No," Sarah said, firmly but without any hint of anger, "You don't need to say anything, Cos. It's fine. I overstepped my boundaries and it'll never happen again, yeah? So just... leave it."

_What if I want it to happen again? _she thought, but forced the thought out of her mind. _Delphine, _she reminded herself. "Don't leave me to die alone," she whispered quietly after a few tense moments.

Sarah tightened her grip around her slim shoulders and placed a hesitant kiss on the top of her head, hoping that in doing so she wasn't going too far. When Cosima didn't react, she breathed a small inward sigh of relief and said, "You wont ever be alone, got it? I wont ever let you be alone, and I will _not_ let you die alone."

_But I almost did,_ Cosima thought, thinking back to the terror of waking up alone in Felix's flat and getting goosebumps at the mere recollection. Sarah noticed the way that she shivered and squeezed her shoulder lightly while tangling their fingers together in a way that was comfortingly familiar. "Hey... shh.. it's okay. I wont leave you Cos. You'll be fine, yeah? I promise."


End file.
